Thanksgiving

Yesterday I went with my daughter to visit Mom for lunch. We weren't going to see her on Thanksgiving and Adrianne had no school so it was a good opportunity.

Mom invited us in, since A hadn't seen her place yet. I think she enjoyed showing her where she lived. Still complaining about the clothes dryer.

The topic of Christmas came up and Mom asked what Adrianne wanted as a gift. Money, of course. I asked mom what she wanted, and she said "My memory back." She still knows that she has a memory problem, so I guess that's a good thing. If you can call Alzheimer's a good thing.

Closing up Phoenix- Leaving these Memories Behind

Traveled with mom down to her condo in Sun City last week. Our goal was to clean the place out and put it on the market. Determined that this was the first time since I was about 17 that I spent an entire 5 whole days with her! From sun up to sun down. Learned lots of things about her, and me, and Alzheimer's.

While we got a lot done, there were lots of teachable moments for me regarding patience and the power of forgetfulness. In the end we had lots of great times down there and I felt much closer to my mom than I've felt in a long time. We never know when our parents are going to leave us: In this case mentally may precede physically.

75 Years and counting

Mom, Michelle, Adrianne and Nikki

Yesterday was mom's 75th birthday party. She keeps saying she doesn't believe she's lived this long. Why not?

It took place at Harmony Inn, village of Greendale. My sister did a lot of the planning and we picked this place cuz mom said she loves the food. Her aunt Helen was there from Portland, my two uncles, two of her old friends from Arizona and all my sister's kids and Jim's kids.

Everything went well and she pretty much was on top of things with her memory. She told me several times she had a great time and enjoyed the party. Hey, you're only 75 once!

On the Road Again

Today, I invited Mom out to the house for dinner. The challenge was if she could find her way by herself...given my directions. Hurray! She did it. One small step for man, one giant leap for Mom! And she made it back home without incident. It made me feel good, I hope she felt the same.

Earlier in the week I went over to finish doing some decorating and she informed me she stopped using the Exelon patch and that she didn't have a memory problem. She also said she started having the side affect of diarrehea, which can be common with these drugs. I told her it had been almost two months on the patch without that problem and it was just something she ate. The bottom line is she stopped using it. I insisted she call her old doctor and let her know what was going on. She did and has been prescribed with an alternate medication, I can't remember the name of it.

Big week ahead with her 75th birthday party next Saturday and her 85 yr old aunt coming in from Portland OR.

One Week- Post Move

Mom has been in her new place one week today. Yesterday she called to sing me happy birthday. Only problem is that my birthday is today. It's the thought that counts, even if it's a bit abstract.

She told me things are going okay. She got over the depressed feeling of moving very quickly. Seems to be able to do that, just like when LeRoy (my stepdad) died. On the surface, she seemed pretty resilient. Over the years now, I do hear some deep feelings of loniless. Guess I'd be lonely too, if my wife of 25 years died.

Told me she might lead a craft class around the holidays to help residents build wreaths. Also told me 3 people showed up for line dancing, and didn't really do any dancing, just shuffling their feet. I told her she needs to be the driving organizer to get more participation. She used to dance a lot but has slowed way down due to her back problems.

Moving Day- Sept 1

This was the first day of a new life, again. Mom was moving in to her new apartment today. She seemed ready, I just hoped I was. She was tired this week from getting everything packed up and set to go. I guess if she was defiant, she'd have just sat around and said "I'm not going". The driving incident a week ago really scared her. I think that helped in a strange way, convince her she needed to be in a safer place.

Two Men and a Truck showed up at 8:30. I stopped prior to get a couple of coffees and some big cinnamon rolls from Panera. That is her favorite place. She won't be going back there again, at least not without one of us. I had just finished taking the big bed apart when they rolled in, so we were ready to go. Took them a couple of hours to load up her life. I look around at all the shit I've collected throughout the years. This is what could happen to all of it: we just downside our lives to fit the situation.

As the last pieces were loaded, her and I sat there and looked around. I know this had to be painful. I said, "This is it. Take a look around because you won't be coming back." I could feel my lower lip quiver a bit. She said she knew the fact. I gave her a short hug and left. She followed me up to Harbour Village with the truck close behind. I was concerned driving there because of all the freeway construction. Tons of traffic, closed lanes, and semis everywhere (she never liked driving around big rigs). I didn't want to lose her because of what happened before.

We made it with everybody, and everything in tow. Over the course of the next three hours we unloaded things and I did the best I could to arrange furniture and put together her bed. The new place is smaller than her condo, but everything fit somewhere. We were pretty organized and she was actually able to remember where she packed most things. Just needed some food in the frig and the phone and TV connected and she'd be in business.

Called my sister to meet us for dinner. She came over with Jim (her fiancee...number 4) and we all ate in the main dining room where they serve dinner. As you come in, off to the side is "Walker Central" with a dozen walkers all lined up. This is where we end up as humans: unable to walk, unable to wipe our own asses, unable to remember what day it is.

The food was good. The wait staff attentive (and young) and the room comfortable and elegant. I liked it. At least we could all be there as a family and share a meal on her first night. I hoped she could stay independent for many years to come. She called for a family prayer before we ate and thanked God for leading her to this place. I pray God will help us all as the disease progresses.

Is anybody out there?

Yesterday was quite a frustrating day. I scheduled a dinner at Harbour Village for Mom. The coordinator said they were having an event after dinner at which she could attend and meet a couple of people. So I called Mom and told her to meet me there.

I gave her specific directions which I thought would make for a simple trip; once on the freeway, exactly 1 turn into complex. She called me back before she left to review the directions. It sounded like she was clear.

I was wrong. 30 minutes late, an hour late, 1.5 hours late. Now I was worried. I called her cell phone, house phone, my house, my nephew (she had previously scheduled meeting him, but changed those plans to meet me) to no avail. Cell went right to voicemail, so she probably had it turned off. Nothing made sense. Where in the hell was she!!

I was sitting in the driveway of Harbour Village with my car pointing at the street, hoping I would see her drive by. After 90 minutes, a security guard came up to me to ask what was going on. I told him the story so we went inside because he thought she was in there. She wasn't. Not knowing what else to do, I got back in my car and decided to drive to her house on the route she was supposed to take. I envisioned the worse: her car piled up in an accident. I asked God for help and please don't show me something I don't want to see.

I called my wife, Laura, to let her know what was up and what I was doing. In frustration to what she was telling me to do, I cut that call short. About halfway to moms' house, Laura called me to say Mom had just pulled in the driveway! This was 2 hours after we were supposed to meet. I could hear her in the background saying "I shouldn't ever leave her somewhere and not show up." I told Laura I didn't want to get into it and I'd be home in awhile.

I pulled off the freeway and ate dinner at McDonald's. I was relieved she was safe and knew I had to get this going faster than ever. I had to get her moved into a safe environment ASAP. I was done with this chasing around, driving around, trying to believe she could still drive from point A to point B to meet me places. This was a big revelation for me and for her: Life was about to end as we knew it.