Is anybody out there?

Yesterday was quite a frustrating day. I scheduled a dinner at Harbour Village for Mom. The coordinator said they were having an event after dinner at which she could attend and meet a couple of people. So I called Mom and told her to meet me there.

I gave her specific directions which I thought would make for a simple trip; once on the freeway, exactly 1 turn into complex. She called me back before she left to review the directions. It sounded like she was clear.

I was wrong. 30 minutes late, an hour late, 1.5 hours late. Now I was worried. I called her cell phone, house phone, my house, my nephew (she had previously scheduled meeting him, but changed those plans to meet me) to no avail. Cell went right to voicemail, so she probably had it turned off. Nothing made sense. Where in the hell was she!!

I was sitting in the driveway of Harbour Village with my car pointing at the street, hoping I would see her drive by. After 90 minutes, a security guard came up to me to ask what was going on. I told him the story so we went inside because he thought she was in there. She wasn't. Not knowing what else to do, I got back in my car and decided to drive to her house on the route she was supposed to take. I envisioned the worse: her car piled up in an accident. I asked God for help and please don't show me something I don't want to see.

I called my wife, Laura, to let her know what was up and what I was doing. In frustration to what she was telling me to do, I cut that call short. About halfway to moms' house, Laura called me to say Mom had just pulled in the driveway! This was 2 hours after we were supposed to meet. I could hear her in the background saying "I shouldn't ever leave her somewhere and not show up." I told Laura I didn't want to get into it and I'd be home in awhile.

I pulled off the freeway and ate dinner at McDonald's. I was relieved she was safe and knew I had to get this going faster than ever. I had to get her moved into a safe environment ASAP. I was done with this chasing around, driving around, trying to believe she could still drive from point A to point B to meet me places. This was a big revelation for me and for her: Life was about to end as we knew it.

Relocation Need

Today I went with my mom back to Harbour Village to take a look at a unit that opened up for rent. She had lost the initial enthusiasm after our earlier visit. I think it was the cold realization that this is where she might die. Also a healthy fear of the unknown. What if she didn't like this place?

We set the appointment and I gave her directions...off the freeway....to get there. Of course, the road was under construction and she got all turned around. She called on her cell and said she didn't know where she was. Great--I had a business meeting later in the morning and things were going to get tight. I got pissed on the call. Lack of patience has always been a problem for me. I asked God to grant me serenity to accept the things I can not change. She ended up parking the car and I went and picked her up...6 miles from where we were supposed to meet!

Got to the complex, viewed the actual unit and tried to size up rooms for her furniture. The lease they have is so chalked full of legal bullshit, no 75 year old could ever understand it. Though, they do state you need to read it and understand. Right. I told her I may have to go to an attorney just to make sure. In the end, we put down a reservation deposit and now it's up to me to make arrangements to move Mom in.

Alternate Living Quarters

A week or so ago I had Mom over for dinner. My plan was to let her know I was out looking at housing options. I had already gone to Harbour Village in Milwaukee. My mother-in-law wound up there at the later stages of her Alzheimer's, so I was familiar with that portion of the community.

Our conversation was good, we had dinner with the family, and I started to hint at her lack of social activity and finding some seniors to hang with. That led to "I know where you're going with this, and I don't want any part of it." So I'm shot down before I even got started. I let her know that yes, I had been out looking and in fact found a great alternative to her current living quarters (the condo).

She let her guard down enough to at least let me explain the brochure and look at the floor plans for different apartments. We talked for a good hour about how this was what her doctor suggested, that this was NOT a nursing home, and brought her closer to both me and my sister. I put on the hard sell, trying to convince her this was a better option to what she had. Much to my surprise, she instantly said "Let's do it!"

Wow. I almost started crying and told her it wasn't easy for me either. This was great. I suggested she think it over and let me know her thoughts. I gave her the brochure with lots of reading material and she went home.

Shocked again---she called me the next morning and said she wanted to make the move immediately! I told her that was great and called my sister to let her know of the buy-in. I called the director at Harbour House and arranged to meet her with my mom and sister the next day.

Doctor Visit

This is a late post. Hey, I forgot! Last week I went with my mom and sister to my mom's doctor. This was the follow-up visit to discuss test results. My fears were confirmed: early-mid stage Alzheimer's. Dementia is another word for Alzheimer's.

So we went through different scenarios. I posed a lot of questions and Mom dropped the "S" bomb when discussing how she would deal with possibly moving to assisted care. S as in suicide. Right the to doctor's face. The doc was very surprised. And of course, she asked if mom was depressed and she had some pills for that too. Shit, I was depressed and I didn't even get the diagnosis. Too many pill pushin' dr's out there.

We talked through that and I think Mom was convinced in the end that we are looking out for her and this is what loving children do for their parents. Her diet was addressed, living in the condo and response to Exelon. I had to push a little bit and talk about things that have been glossed over before. Plus I got to sit there and hear it right from the dr's mouth about the prognosis.

And so it's confirmed by one doctor: Alzheimer's.