Marge. Sept 24, 1935- March 22, 2016

Alzheimer's won. It was a predictable outcome. There is no cure. The pain of my mom's death this week was overwhelming. With life comes loss and sorrow but man this is something I've never felt before. Her fall I wrote about in my last post did something to her: She never recovered. Never walked again. Never really spoke again. Just went downhill so fast her passing really took us all by surprise, including the care givers.

Watching her die over the last two weeks was brutal. It hurt so bad every time I saw her. Emotions ran deep; hurt, regret, remorse, anger, shock, pity, mercy. It ultimately had an outcome I didn't expect: I spiritual awakening and message from God that absolutely blew me away. Sure, in moments of extreme grieving we tend to turn to God and prayer. I did, many times. And I believe He answered my prayers and at the same time accomplished his mission: draw me closer.

So many things happened during her final days, the days leading up to the funeral, at the funeral and after her burial. ALL those events could take up many new posts. But needless to say, when you see your loved one suffer, die, and laying there in a casket, most people with any heart try to believe there is an afterlife. I chose heaven. I either had to believe she went back to a piece of dirt with no soul or her years of believing and helping the church she attended and her telling me not too long ago she believed in God and Jesus, were about to pay off.

The image I had as I laid in bed the moment before the phone rang with my sister telling me she just died was one of miracles: I saw her face and she said "Everything is ok now." Spirit and soul released from her decaying and now lifeless body. Taken to heaven to rejoice with God and other souls. For me, this was the path I chose and continue to embrace the past 6 days. I've been a believer of God. I've been wishy washy on Jesus. And I always hoped heaven is real and that one day I'd go there. Most people believe this.

I'm all in today, Easter 2016. Jesus Has Risen. My mom is in heaven. My story ends.

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Eulogy I presented during her funeral-

Thanks everybody for coming today. It’s been a stressful couple of weeks for our family but we all came together and with the many prayers and words of encouragement from so many people we have arrived together to both mourn and now celebrate my mom’s life. Imagine the celebration right now going on in Heaven as she’s been made whole again and is with all the people who have passed through this world to eternal life.

Her Christian faith was renewed when she met my stepfather LeRoy and became active members at Christ the Servant Lutheran Church here in Waukesha, involved in Sunday school and she was an usher. and Joy Community Church in Arizona, choir, Sunday school teacher. She had true faith in God and Jesus Christ.

I did a bit of research on how Lutheran’s approach dying and funerals and put together the following biblical readings and prayers:

Romans 6:3-5

3 Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?

4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection.

23rd Psalm

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. Amen

Revelation 21:1-7

21 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.

7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

APOSTLE’S CREED

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth;

and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.

He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead;

He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.

Amen.

THE LORD’S PRAYER

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Memories of Mom

My mom will be remembered for many things. And I can’t think of one that isn’t good. I can surely remember certain times way back when where certain people did certain things that didn’t quite meet my mom’s approval and that certain person usually was taught a lesson about how my mom viewed the world. Funny thing, mom’s are always right. She was a simple woman, uncomplicated, who enjoyed the basic pleasures of life, family, laughing and was pure in her thoughts. I’ve asked God to take away my rough edges and make me a smooth stone like my mom.

Let’s lighten things up a bit. Let’s celebrate and compare notes and memories....

Chocolate & Ice Cream

• If you haven’t indulged in the chocolate treats, please do. Go slow. And savor the sweetness of life as it melts away into your body.
• Custard at Kopps was always a viable alternative to any “real meal”. Because of the gene pool it’s rare I can go one day without some type of ice cream treat. My daughter Adrianne has the same gene passed down from her grandma.

Desert sunsets & Palm Trees

• Maybe it was being born in California that drew her back to the Valley of the Sun, but Mom and LeRoy spent many years in Sun City Arizona. One of my best memories is when I went down there to pack her up and move back to Wisconsin. After a busy day, we went out on her patio and watched the sun go down. It was a beautiful hot desert night. The palm trees were quiet. We sat there for at least an hour or two talking about our lives. It was really a special time together.

Homemade waffles the old-fashioned way

• Christmas morning was what I can remember when Mom would cook these up. She was old school---Bisquik, eggs, milk with Crisco.
• While I didn’t use Bisquik, Adrianne and I just had homemade waffles the other day. The tradition lives on.

Mom’s special meat loaf, baked potato and corn

• I remember having to run home from school to put the meatloaf dish in the oven she had made up in that morning. 350 for 1 hour.

Uncooked chocolate chip cookie dough- licked fresh off the beaters

• Amazingly, my sister and I are still here and I can’t remember ever getting food poisoning. So much for food warnings!

Steamed broccoli with mayo

• Not sure where this came from but we still eat it this way at home and Laura likes it.

Great tuna fish sandwich with diced pickles, mayo and yellow mustard

• Does this need any more explanation?

Her bad back, days in the hospital with “traction” weights hooked up to her

• The Estes Park trip in colorado that ended up with her in the ER when her back gave out.

P.s. Thanks again for the genes as both me and my sister have chronic back problems

She paid attention to the little details

• Her house was always spotless and I think LeRoy was a big driver for keeping the house organized

In the morning, sitting quietly in a chair with a hot cup of coffee

• I like mine pretty strong and I usually had to dial it back a bit for her when I made it.
• You know Mom I’m a coffee snob and never really approved of the K-cups

She was a medical transcriptionist for years at Waukesha Memorial Hospital and could spell words like

Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia

P.s. this is the name of an ice cream headache

Last but surely not least---

Happiness found with LeRoy. Re-united once again in heaven... with our Lord Jesus Christ.

Reflection and contemplation are good things for us to engage in, especially in times like these. Losing your mother or anybody you love teaches us about our own life here on Earth. We ask ourselves what we could have done different; mainly looking at our shortcomings. But, we’re all human and fall short of the glory of God. Jesus said it.

My mom dying has helped me become a better person. I feel God’s will was done so he could draw me closer to Him. Acouple weeks ago I asked my mom if she believed in God and Jesus. She looked right at me and said yes. I believe there is a place called Heaven. I believe my mom is now in heaven.

What is heaven like? Here are some biblical facts about heaven. It is …

• God's dwelling place (Psalms 33:13).
• Where Christ is today (Acts 1:11).
• Where Christians go when they die (Philippians 1:21-23).
• The Father's house (John 14:2).
• A city designed and built by God (Hebrews 11:10).
• A better country (Hebrews 11:16).
• Paradise (Luke 23:43).

What the heck are we going to do when we get to heaven?

Here are five things that will occupy us in heaven. We will …

• Worship without distraction.
• Serve without exhaustion.
• Fellowship without fear.
• Learn without fatigue.
• Rest without boredom.

My mom believed in Jesus and knew the only way to God and heaven was through Him. I believe her spirit and soul will live for eternity in heaven.

Help Me. I've Fallen and I Won't Ever Get Up or Walk Again

So long since my last post, why bother. To the point: my mom is days away from dying. Alzheimer's Stage 7 is one ugly way to die. She has progressed down this unstoppable slope with speed and velocity even her caregivers are shocked at.

When I saw her yesterday I fell to my knees, pounded on the concrete floor and started crying. 8 days ago I visited her at Harbour House Memory Care in Milwaukee. She'd been here since last September. That day was a warm February day, so we ventured out on to their 2nd floor balcony. She was walking fine with the walker. She was alert, talking the best she could. I could understand her and she knew who I was. We sat in the sun, warmed by the hopes of Spring. She told me to listen to the wind. I was a great moment for us. For me, really, as this was a chance to look at her with her eyes closed, nothing really left but trying to breathe in life for what it was: air blowing past her nostrils.

The next morning I got a call from my sister at 5:30am saying Mom had fallen and hit her head. That of course means an automatic trip to the ER. Stiches. CT scan. All the tests to see if there was a stroke or something else to tell us why she might have fallen. But, right then, at that time, I was ice fishing so no point in me packing up and going back home to sit in the ER. I didn't make it to the hospital that night either. You know, I'm too busy with me. It's called selfishness.

I did make it to the hospital the next day, though. And my God what the hell happened! There she was in bed with that fucking "dementia stare". That deep, blank, distant gaze into nowhere. With eyes half closed, hair matted down, no words really to be spoken, this was a major downturn. I hadn't seen this coming. And the last time I'd seen this look was in my mother-in-law who died from this disease 8 years ago. My sister and niece were bedside and I fought to hold back the tears and emotions. This was bad. The fall had done something to her. I'll be damned if I was just going to sit there and watch her fall to pieces. "Mom, let's get up and take a walk." She said "sure, let's do that".

So, with my sister we got her to the edge of the bed and managed to get her up and positioned with the walker. Barely able to put one foot in front of the other...muscle memory fading...from just two days ago...she shuffled her feet for about 20 steps. We turned around and got her back to the bed and Jesus, just to get her to turn around and drop into bed was a major task. Every little thing we all take for granted, like putting your foot on the ground and then lifting it to start walking, was almost gone. She was just walking fine three days ago! Fuck this!!!!!!!!!

I just sat on the edge of the bed in disbelief. My sister was crying. She's a hospice nurse and was calling a colleague to start hospice watch. What? That means you think she's going to die in the next couple days. Based on how she looked I had to agree. But this was a decline of absolute stunning proportions.

To make things worse, Harbour House was now saying they weren't sure she could come back there to live. At this point she needed 2 person assist, which means no go at this facility. It's not a nursing home. Now I have to make a snap business decision of where to go. My sister knew of a place closer to her, The Woods of Caledonia. We had already ordered an assessment several weeks ago, but had no clue this would come to fruition so quickly. What TWC did was a great gesture to help us make a difficult decision: we had to move her to what most likely would now be the place where she dies. Life to death caring. We made the decision and signed paperwork that was constructed late into the evening. Quite a different approach to what I was getting from Harbour House, which deserves it's own post to talk about how NOT to handle this situation.

It's 8 days later now. My sister picked mom up from the hospital and somehow got her into her SUV and brought her to TWC. I had to go out of town on a business trip that day. I combined three more days for a mini vacation with my wife and daughter. I talked to my sister and she said mom was ok but not doing much better. I got down to the new place hoping to see her recovering from the fall, able to get back to using the walker and start seeing some progress.

When I started walking down the hall, I could see my sister had just got there and was right in front of me. "Hey, Cyn". That's short for Cindy. It's what I've called her all my life. There's mom, in a wheelchair straight ahead. There's mom, slouched over, with this almost stroke-like mouth droop combined with sick distortion. She's mumbling, pulling at her clothes. Eyes closed. Head drastically leaning left. This is the face of dementia. Full blown Alzheimer's disease sucking the life out of a human brain with intense fury. And this is God's Will?

I was crushed with grief. This is very close to the end. In the wheelchair with no hope of ever walking again, with no hope of speaking cohesive sentences again, she said "I've got to get out of this trap." Her voice was a whisper. I pulled as close as I could to hear. I cried and swore. I told her I loved her. I asked her "Do you know who I am?" Yes, you're Mike. I asked what's my name? And in an instant she said "Michael James Pintar". This is so fucking miserable, the pain, the hurt, the grief. This cliff she's fallen off. Yes, she's fallen and will never get up or walk again.

May God have mercy over these next few weeks. I called the funeral home today to make plans for what will happen to all of us: We die. Mom will die soon.

Memory Care Here I Come

The day arrived as any other day would. It's summer. Beautiful blue sky, warm temps. It's July. Or is it August. What day is it? What city are we in? What planet do we live on? That last question was posed to my mom. Her answer....the United States. So it is with Stage 6-7 Dementia. That flavor of Alzheimer's that hits you hard. And takes away the only thing that makes up your life: memories.

It's been about 5 years to the month since I first started this blog. Hell, I forgot to post many of the most important stories. But today is a big day. I'm moving Mom to the memory care area at Harbour Village in Glendale, Wisconsin. I can honestly say I don't think she'll live 5 more years.

My mother-in-law stayed at Harbour House, which is the quaint name for memory care at Harbour Village. I think it's one of the best in our area. With an entry price of $4900 per month, I believe it's reasonable. I didn't shop around. I heard what many others are paying. Just the other day a friend of mine said his mother is in a place in Chicago at a whopping $10,000 per month! Now, she needs advanced medical services too, which are extra, no matter where you go. At Harbour my mom's bill will be $500 extra per month for medical services. But at what price, life? For our family, we have the money to go the distance, whether that's good or bad, I don't know.

When you see some of the residents, I'd say it's not living; it's existing. Waiting to die. Many don't even know it. Their brains are so deteriorated from the disease they don't even have the cognitive reasoning to know they're dying. But hey, let's spend thousands of dollars a month so we can watch you wither away in front of our eyes. Because that's the right thing to do? Memory care. If you have no memory, what are they caring for? The more I write, the more it makes me wonder what the hell am I doing?

I asked my mom what she would want me to do if she reached the advanced stages of dementia. She said, "Kill me." And while I agree it could be a merciful thing to do, I have to let God make that decision. Plus, would I have the balls to actually do it? Her suffering isn't that great, yet.

A friend of mine, his wife and I moved my mom out of her two bedroom apartment into the "room". It's a studio, with a toilet room, a closet and a window. The exit doors are locked. Code access only with assist from the staff. Family does not get the code. Residents don't get to go outside unassisted. The courtyard is fenced, with no gates. It's kinda like a fancy prison. With Dementia as the warden. You don't even need to misbehave to receive more quarantine punishment. The disease will take care of that all by itself.

So, we're all situated now. New mattress pad to soak up the pee. Smaller bed. 1/10 of your clothes. Memories will be made at your new home, Mom. The finality of it all hits you: This is where you will die. Call it cruel or morbid thinking. But it's true.

We're All Going to Die Sometime

Such profound words from a woman with Stage 6 Dementia. The crippled mind can still associate human emotions with consequences, even if they're not the result of immediate actions. Today we met with the caregivers at Harbor Village. The time is quickly approaching when we have to make that tough decision about moving Mom to memory care.

It's been months, maybe a year since my last post to this blog. Life just flashes by; who's got time to write about memories. Especially on a blog that so few know about. But, so many are in the same boat. With Alzheimer's and dementia cases climbing at astronomical rates, lots of families will be impacted. For me, at 58, chances are I'll be diagnosed at some point. And when we reach this point where you can't take care of yourself, and your actions are viewed as "dangerous", the family is left with a choice: what to do with the patient. Remember caregiver, that's my mom (or dad).

So cold and seemingly matter of fact was the discussion.My sister is an RN and works with people who are dying: so close to death they can taste it. And they surely resemble it with their outward appearance. It's interesting when you see someone at the end of their life and think "they look like they're going to die." At least, that's the way I think.

"Mom, nobody's going to die." Those were my calming words. Even though, strangely enough, this move, this place, memory care, is about getting ready to succumb to the disease. For my mother-in-law it took 8 years of getting ready: Physically strong, mentally wasting away, it was brutal to watch this person remain alive with advanced Alzheimer's.

Christmas memories

It's hard to remember to update this blog! And to think it's primarily about my mother who has Dementia and Alzheimers. Its her memory that's fading. Whatever.

It's Christmas 2012. My mom is still an active part of the family get-together. She can still interact with everybody. She doesn't remember everybody's name all the time, but she did pretty good this year. Her biggest concern was if I/she remembered to hand out the Christmas cards/money gifts to the 5 grandkids. I did remember, and that means she remembered.

She still eats good, can still laugh at things, though she takes my dry sense of humor to heart and thinks I'm serious when I'm just trying to be funny. She misses my stepdad who died 5 years ago. She says Christmas is the toughest time. I think most people share this emotion when the loss of a loved one is magnified.

It's all about family. Trying to remember to be "there" more often than I might like. I think most families are a bit dysfunctional in their own special way. Lots of stories are always shared about how this person does this, or that cousin did that, and how "I'll just figure out how to suck it up for a couple hours when we're over at __________ house. (Fill in the blank with the obnoxious family members). But when you're laying in that box (or urn) dead to this physical world, who do you think is going to be at your funeral? Probably the only people that matter: Your family. Accept it's too late to say you're sorry or wish you would have said "I love you" more, to your mother, father, spouse, child...

Christmas is full of memories and traditions. Savor the moments.

Another Day Gone By

Imagine not knowing what day it is?

When I go on vacation I really want to forget what day it is and just relax. Unfortunately I have to remember when it's time to pack and go back home. Now that sucks!

So many things we take for granted: Like waking up and knowing what day of the week it is, what month we're in, and the year. My mom is having a really hard time with that. Stage 4 Dementia. She has a big printed calendar on her kitchen counter...but she doesn't know what day it is when she looks at it.

So we bought her a digital clock that has a calendar feature; day/month/year. Just for today, she can look at it and know, not remember, what day today is. She puts an X on her printed calendar marking another day gone by and knowing that she is losing her memory.

It's Monday, October 22. I know that for sure because my computer calendar shows that. I guess it's right. The TV news told me that too. For the working world, Monday's suck. As fast as time goes by right now, Monday is great. I've got a second job interview this morning. It could be a really great Monday, October 22, 2012. Do you remember what you did last Monday? You probably have to go to your calendar to jog that memory....

Psychologist is Crazier than Mom

Still hard to keep up with this blog. This past Wednesday I went with mom and my sister to the psychologist for the follow up visit to get her "test" results. This was from a series of memory and cognitive tests she had about a month ago following her meltdown at the restaurant with my sister.

Mom kept telling me how much she liked this doctor. She told me about four times on the way there. We'd soon find out.

Once in the office, she kept asking mom about her earlier comments on being sad or sorta depressed. Must have asked a dozen times, to the point where it was annoying. Did she want to say she's depressed? Just another chance for more drugs. But in the end, mom isn't depressed and said she's pretty happy right now. So good, we're done with the damn depression exam.

Dr said she did good on verbal testing but not so good on short term memory stuff. I couldn't help but think that I can't remember what I did yesterday, so what!

The blow up at the restaurant was puzzling to the dr. Really didn't have an explanation as to why it happened but thought it might be vascular in nature. Mom had a CT scan done, but this bozo doc didn't have the results in her file and failed to look it up on the system. This really pissed me off. The scan was done in the same hospital this dr works at. All she had to do was call up the patient and the records would be right there. She even asked if we had the results! WTF! And we're going to have to pay for this incompetence? So it could have been a mini-stroke, with no symptoms, but it would have shown up on the CT scan. Even more disturbing that she didn't investigate this stuff.

In the end she didn't think she had Alzheimer's. What? Two other drs said she did. All I know is her memory is bad, but seems to have stabilized for now. In my opinion, this psycho/shrink doctor is just as crazy as my mom.

Early Arrival

My daughter was involved in her school concert this past weekend. My mom was going to come to hear her sing. Over the course of the last week, she asked me, and I told her about three or four times that is was Sunday and to show up at my house around 3pm. She called on Saturday morning to confirm, again, what time she was supposed to come over.

The weather was pretty nice for March 20th, so I went for a walk in the early afternoon. When I was coming up the street I noticed my mom's car in the driveway. What was she doing......here? I quickly surmised she got her days wrong and was here on Saturday instead of Sunday. When I came in the house she was very apologetic, saying she could leave and calling herself stupid over and over.

Of course she stayed. In fact, for some reason she brought a suitcase for an overnight stay. The plan was to go to the concert and then go home before it got too dark (she doesn't like driving after dark). It all worked out, all of us went out for a nice Italian dinner and came home for some NCAA March Madness. At least I enjoyed that part!

On Sunday, I cooked up some French Toast and then her and I decided she should try her hand at oil painting. Not bad for a first time artist. She was able to stay focused through the whole one hour event, and it felt good for me to see her do this. After we got done, I paused and got a bit choked up thinking that there won't be many more times I will be able to share a moment like that.

Money Matters

It's Christmas time. Mom still knows it is. We were discussing gifts for the grandkids and the topic of money came up. Money matters, because of her estate, the projected costs for dealing with her Alzheimer's and just managing a budget so the trust money lasts. We talked about this about a week ago when we were with the estate planning attorney. She had told my sister's kids over Thanksgiving that she doesn't have any money and they'd each get $50. Of course, that went over like a lead balloon.

I told her she's fine and that she could give everybody $1000 each and not be worried about it. That sounded good to her, so I was comfortable with the decision. Fast forward to last week. She came over for dinner and to go hear Adrianne sing at the high school Christmas concert. I took a look in her checkbook, because she always wants to know the balance. I saw that some checks had been written to two of my sister's kids. Let's just say that one of them has been taking advantage of grandma when it comes to asking for money, and I was not happy.

I blew up, told Mom what I thought about my nephew, dropped several f-bombs and generally had a meltdown. Of course, I picked up the phone and left a nasty message for my sister instructing her to reign in her kid or I'd do it for her! She called back a couple hours later and I really didn't hear what she said because I unloaded several years of resentments I have about her kids and what they're doing with my mom. Greed overrode logic, anger presided over calm and I said many things that I can never take back. Sounds like some 10th Step work is required. Ugh...

We do have to keep in mind that this disease can end up costing us a lot of money. Most of my family doesn't remember that. The money has flowed freely, partly due to the fact Mom can't remember what she's doing and how much she's already given to everybody, myself included. It's tough dealing with this: She's almost to the point of not being able to handle her finances and pay bills. It is a progressive disease. I know that. It's just hard admitting it.

Thanksgiving

Yesterday I went with my daughter to visit Mom for lunch. We weren't going to see her on Thanksgiving and Adrianne had no school so it was a good opportunity.

Mom invited us in, since A hadn't seen her place yet. I think she enjoyed showing her where she lived. Still complaining about the clothes dryer.

The topic of Christmas came up and Mom asked what Adrianne wanted as a gift. Money, of course. I asked mom what she wanted, and she said "My memory back." She still knows that she has a memory problem, so I guess that's a good thing. If you can call Alzheimer's a good thing.

Closing up Phoenix- Leaving these Memories Behind

Traveled with mom down to her condo in Sun City last week. Our goal was to clean the place out and put it on the market. Determined that this was the first time since I was about 17 that I spent an entire 5 whole days with her! From sun up to sun down. Learned lots of things about her, and me, and Alzheimer's.

While we got a lot done, there were lots of teachable moments for me regarding patience and the power of forgetfulness. In the end we had lots of great times down there and I felt much closer to my mom than I've felt in a long time. We never know when our parents are going to leave us: In this case mentally may precede physically.

On the Road Again

Today, I invited Mom out to the house for dinner. The challenge was if she could find her way by herself...given my directions. Hurray! She did it. One small step for man, one giant leap for Mom! And she made it back home without incident. It made me feel good, I hope she felt the same.

Earlier in the week I went over to finish doing some decorating and she informed me she stopped using the Exelon patch and that she didn't have a memory problem. She also said she started having the side affect of diarrehea, which can be common with these drugs. I told her it had been almost two months on the patch without that problem and it was just something she ate. The bottom line is she stopped using it. I insisted she call her old doctor and let her know what was going on. She did and has been prescribed with an alternate medication, I can't remember the name of it.

Big week ahead with her 75th birthday party next Saturday and her 85 yr old aunt coming in from Portland OR.

One Week- Post Move

Mom has been in her new place one week today. Yesterday she called to sing me happy birthday. Only problem is that my birthday is today. It's the thought that counts, even if it's a bit abstract.

She told me things are going okay. She got over the depressed feeling of moving very quickly. Seems to be able to do that, just like when LeRoy (my stepdad) died. On the surface, she seemed pretty resilient. Over the years now, I do hear some deep feelings of loniless. Guess I'd be lonely too, if my wife of 25 years died.

Told me she might lead a craft class around the holidays to help residents build wreaths. Also told me 3 people showed up for line dancing, and didn't really do any dancing, just shuffling their feet. I told her she needs to be the driving organizer to get more participation. She used to dance a lot but has slowed way down due to her back problems.

Moving Day- Sept 1

This was the first day of a new life, again. Mom was moving in to her new apartment today. She seemed ready, I just hoped I was. She was tired this week from getting everything packed up and set to go. I guess if she was defiant, she'd have just sat around and said "I'm not going". The driving incident a week ago really scared her. I think that helped in a strange way, convince her she needed to be in a safer place.

Two Men and a Truck showed up at 8:30. I stopped prior to get a couple of coffees and some big cinnamon rolls from Panera. That is her favorite place. She won't be going back there again, at least not without one of us. I had just finished taking the big bed apart when they rolled in, so we were ready to go. Took them a couple of hours to load up her life. I look around at all the shit I've collected throughout the years. This is what could happen to all of it: we just downside our lives to fit the situation.

As the last pieces were loaded, her and I sat there and looked around. I know this had to be painful. I said, "This is it. Take a look around because you won't be coming back." I could feel my lower lip quiver a bit. She said she knew the fact. I gave her a short hug and left. She followed me up to Harbour Village with the truck close behind. I was concerned driving there because of all the freeway construction. Tons of traffic, closed lanes, and semis everywhere (she never liked driving around big rigs). I didn't want to lose her because of what happened before.

We made it with everybody, and everything in tow. Over the course of the next three hours we unloaded things and I did the best I could to arrange furniture and put together her bed. The new place is smaller than her condo, but everything fit somewhere. We were pretty organized and she was actually able to remember where she packed most things. Just needed some food in the frig and the phone and TV connected and she'd be in business.

Called my sister to meet us for dinner. She came over with Jim (her fiancee...number 4) and we all ate in the main dining room where they serve dinner. As you come in, off to the side is "Walker Central" with a dozen walkers all lined up. This is where we end up as humans: unable to walk, unable to wipe our own asses, unable to remember what day it is.

The food was good. The wait staff attentive (and young) and the room comfortable and elegant. I liked it. At least we could all be there as a family and share a meal on her first night. I hoped she could stay independent for many years to come. She called for a family prayer before we ate and thanked God for leading her to this place. I pray God will help us all as the disease progresses.

Is anybody out there?

Yesterday was quite a frustrating day. I scheduled a dinner at Harbour Village for Mom. The coordinator said they were having an event after dinner at which she could attend and meet a couple of people. So I called Mom and told her to meet me there.

I gave her specific directions which I thought would make for a simple trip; once on the freeway, exactly 1 turn into complex. She called me back before she left to review the directions. It sounded like she was clear.

I was wrong. 30 minutes late, an hour late, 1.5 hours late. Now I was worried. I called her cell phone, house phone, my house, my nephew (she had previously scheduled meeting him, but changed those plans to meet me) to no avail. Cell went right to voicemail, so she probably had it turned off. Nothing made sense. Where in the hell was she!!

I was sitting in the driveway of Harbour Village with my car pointing at the street, hoping I would see her drive by. After 90 minutes, a security guard came up to me to ask what was going on. I told him the story so we went inside because he thought she was in there. She wasn't. Not knowing what else to do, I got back in my car and decided to drive to her house on the route she was supposed to take. I envisioned the worse: her car piled up in an accident. I asked God for help and please don't show me something I don't want to see.

I called my wife, Laura, to let her know what was up and what I was doing. In frustration to what she was telling me to do, I cut that call short. About halfway to moms' house, Laura called me to say Mom had just pulled in the driveway! This was 2 hours after we were supposed to meet. I could hear her in the background saying "I shouldn't ever leave her somewhere and not show up." I told Laura I didn't want to get into it and I'd be home in awhile.

I pulled off the freeway and ate dinner at McDonald's. I was relieved she was safe and knew I had to get this going faster than ever. I had to get her moved into a safe environment ASAP. I was done with this chasing around, driving around, trying to believe she could still drive from point A to point B to meet me places. This was a big revelation for me and for her: Life was about to end as we knew it.

Relocation Need

Today I went with my mom back to Harbour Village to take a look at a unit that opened up for rent. She had lost the initial enthusiasm after our earlier visit. I think it was the cold realization that this is where she might die. Also a healthy fear of the unknown. What if she didn't like this place?

We set the appointment and I gave her directions...off the freeway....to get there. Of course, the road was under construction and she got all turned around. She called on her cell and said she didn't know where she was. Great--I had a business meeting later in the morning and things were going to get tight. I got pissed on the call. Lack of patience has always been a problem for me. I asked God to grant me serenity to accept the things I can not change. She ended up parking the car and I went and picked her up...6 miles from where we were supposed to meet!

Got to the complex, viewed the actual unit and tried to size up rooms for her furniture. The lease they have is so chalked full of legal bullshit, no 75 year old could ever understand it. Though, they do state you need to read it and understand. Right. I told her I may have to go to an attorney just to make sure. In the end, we put down a reservation deposit and now it's up to me to make arrangements to move Mom in.

Doctor Visit

This is a late post. Hey, I forgot! Last week I went with my mom and sister to my mom's doctor. This was the follow-up visit to discuss test results. My fears were confirmed: early-mid stage Alzheimer's. Dementia is another word for Alzheimer's.

So we went through different scenarios. I posed a lot of questions and Mom dropped the "S" bomb when discussing how she would deal with possibly moving to assisted care. S as in suicide. Right the to doctor's face. The doc was very surprised. And of course, she asked if mom was depressed and she had some pills for that too. Shit, I was depressed and I didn't even get the diagnosis. Too many pill pushin' dr's out there.

We talked through that and I think Mom was convinced in the end that we are looking out for her and this is what loving children do for their parents. Her diet was addressed, living in the condo and response to Exelon. I had to push a little bit and talk about things that have been glossed over before. Plus I got to sit there and hear it right from the dr's mouth about the prognosis.

And so it's confirmed by one doctor: Alzheimer's.

Day Fourteenth

Another week gone by. Another trail of memory traps. My sister has been having some problems with this, mainly because her kids keep bugging her about the problems Mom is having. She feels the burden of not knowing what to do.

Mom said her headaches have subsided by the end of the week. It appears Exelon side effects are manageable for her. Is it helping? My sister and I both don't know what it's supposed to do for her. I know there is no cure, but reduction in memory lapses would be nice.

I called her the other day and she was trying to make chocolate chip cookies. Great! But she couldn't get the oven to work. It's brand new but she doesn't cook anymore. So she read me the manual over the phone and was able to get it started. The timer was another issue, but I think things worked out. I never called back to find out.

My sister called me tonite to say Mom had several lapses in memory about events that happened throughout the week; just a few days ago. I know. This is Alzheimer's.

Day Threeteenth

My mom got back from a long 4th of July weekend with my sister. She called me to say she has the Exelon patch on and she has a terrible headache. She accepted the fact this is a side effect. I'm hoping this is the extent of it.

She remembered several events of the weekend, but couldn't easily recall who was all there. She did remember an event from last week (5 days ago) that involved my daugther, Adrianne. In detail she brought up the TV show she was watching that Mom didn't approve of. I told her things have really changed since she was a kid, and cable TV gets away with a lot more stuff that borders on "adult content". She felt it was inappropriate. Good: at least she still has morals!

Day Twoteenth

I'll have to fill in the history gaps as I go. My hunch is this will be a long and painful journey.

My mom had finally decided to go to her doctor for an evaluation. We had been asking her to do it for weeks, but no luck. Last week she told me she woke up and didn't know where she was and was scared. Magically, the next day she made the appt with her Dr. During that app't the doc ran a quick memory test and concluded there were some signs of mild to moderate Alzheimers. She will be going in for a CT and blood work next week.

The dr had prescribed Exelon patch. I only found that out because mom said that "nothing's wrong and my memory problems are mild." I didn't buy it so I called the dr directly. The nurse told me about the Exelon script, of which mom mentioned nothing. When I saw her next I asked about what scripts were written at the appt. She did not remember Exelon. When I mentioned this, it jogged her memory and she did say she remembered something about that. I asked her not to get mad at me for calling her dr. I told her I'm just trying to look out for her own good...and said I love her.

She left my house to go home and then called to say there was no Exelon script sitting there to be filled. I called the dr back and found out it was called in directly to the pharmacy...and mom was supposed to go pick it up. During the call she also mentioned that she felt mom was borderline MODERATE, not mild. It took about a minute or so, but I felt this wave of anger and sadness sweep over me. I pounded on the car and felt like crying. I know what's coming. I've seen people die from this. My daughter was with me so I held back the tears. Shit this sucks!